Archive for December, 2009

JIGGLE BELLS*
December 23, 2009

On its own this marquee appears to be a straight forward play on ‘Jingle Bells’ and inertially disturbed breasts. But when considered next to last week’s marquee (JINGLE BALLS) it takes on an odd deja vu quality. Why would the Lady reuse ‘Jingle Bells’ when there are plenty of unused holiday songs ripe for erotic wordplay (e.g. ‘Jingle Bell Rock’)? Experts believe these twin puns must contain a secret message. For instance, in each marquee only one letter is changed in ‘Jingle Bells’: an ‘e’ to an ‘a’, and an ‘n’ to a ‘g’. This gives you Ne (neon, a noble gas) changing to Ag (silver, a noble metal). In other words, ‘nobility transcends form’, which of course is the tag line for the latest semi-solid menu offering at Dairy Queen. *Actually JIGGLE BELLES. We must have been distracted.

JINGLE BALLS
December 18, 2009

The Lusty Lady has taken strict precautions to conceal the secrets of her pun-writing process, but experts have long hypothesized that it involves a custom built rhyming dictionary and the collected works of Andrew Dice Clay. This marquee would seem to support that hypothesis. It hearkens back to a time before the emergence of Jerry Seinfeld and observational comedy: when insight was a bawdy pararhyme, when cleverness was a vulgarized holiday jingle, when humor was the mere mention of ‘balls’. So Merry XXX-mas, Dice. Your work was seminal. Oooooo!

LOOK TO THE THIGHS
December 8, 2009

In these uncertain times, even the most sexual soul is in need of some spiritual healing. Remember, The Church of Our Lady of Lust’s doors are open to all of God’s children (except children). So drop that burden, weary pilgrim, and surrender your load to a higher power. Let the head priestess lead you to a confessional booth where you can spill the contents of your conscience. An offering of 25 cents will even get you a consultation with the Oracle. Of course, interpreting her cryptic undulations is notoriously difficult so just remember: Look to the thighs.

WE GIVE RAISES
December 1, 2009

Once again the Lusty Lady deftly uses wordplay to combine two of her siren songs into one tidy little verse. She entices potential customers with promises of incrementing their penile blood pressure, and she lures potential employees with insinuations of engorging their paychecks. Such efficiency! Of course, nowhere in the pun’s many meanings is there any mention that these enlargements may only be temporary, that both erections and wages may rapidly deflate after the current erotic service bubble bursts. To include such caveats would be asking too much of our lovely and economical wordsmith.